Crossroads

I cant even sustain a shred of happiness this is now evident in my day to day interactions with people. Everyone I know lets me down, physical friendships are near non existent once again. Once again ive entered a deeply hermetic state. watching and waiting, waiting to be activated by the universe. Waiting to claim my place in the grand scheme of things. I don't even wish to write or explore anymore, with every piece of knowledge gained is the mental realization that im by far no where near where I want to be. Everything is slowly becoming a construct of my mind. I no longer except what I feel see or hear as truth. I cant trust my brain to be correctly cyphering reality.

Im playing a game online that is of my own construct for reasons I feel I cant fully grasp. I want to believe that I can make a difference I want to believe that Im here for reasons yet to be fully understood.

I'm so close to something that is almost indescribable, I want to hold it my hands. I dream about it. My ultimate life's goal is to obtain the key to the universe and to perish without obtaining this "Truth" would have been pointless and a waste of my manifestation into physical form.

I have chased the key before I was even born and this universe is where I believe I shall find it. The key not only yeilds powers beyond anything the mortals have seen but is the key to return to the celestial kingdom. Its my way out of here. Keep the universe do what you wish with it, I shall ascend upper and onward. This reality no longer even suits my thoughts.

I want to go home! The physical universe is painful and full of hurt. I cant even hold coherent thoughts right now Im just so tired of solving this riddle. Shall we let the universe simply unravel itself